How to Deal With Resentment

Posted by Erin Aquin on Feb 21, 2019 10:40:00 AM

woman-crosses-arms-and-legs-with-angry-face_925x (1)I may be a Life Coach, but I am also a human.

I have felt my fair share of resentment. I just recorded an entire podcast about it here.

As a mother, when this comes up, it usually surrounding something I perceive as an obligation. I feel hard-done-by because I am doing some "work" around the house or with my kids (dirty diapers anyone) while the rest of my family gets to enjoy a good time.

In the moment it feels very dramatic (picture me as Cinderella cleaning the floors while my family attends a party I am not invited to), like I have been treated unfairly and that no one cares about all the things I do for them....poor mama bear.

So how do I deal with it?

Most of the time I notice it and coach myself to get to the heart of what's going on. I now that if I am feeling resentment bubbling up, it isn't other people treating me poorly, it is actually me not looking after myself.

In fact, when I notice it, I like to think of it as little alarm bell reminding me to make sure I have booked self-care time on my calendar. It's an opportunity to take a good look at whether I have been "yes" automatically to every request.

Resentment in that case is a kick-in-the-ass to get me to be more thoughtful about my time and energy and I can deal with it in an instant by remembering that I am the one in charge of what I do and don't do...every...single...time.

But then there are other times when I don't catch it. It spills over into my words and actions and I create drama for myself.

When that happens, I deal with it like this:

First, I apologize to the people around me if I have behaved in a way I am not proud of. It's important to me that my kids see me do this. I want them to know that people make mistakes and it costs nothing to make things right.

Second and most importantly, I move on. No negative self-talk. No berating. I learn what I can learn then I let it go with kindness and support for myself.

This is one of the gifts I give my clients that set's them free from constant feelings of resentment.

Perhaps you feel a lurking resentment because you believe you are obligated to do things you don't want to do with your time and energy.

Or you feel resentful of other people because you think you are doing "everything" and they are just reaping the benefits of your hard work.

If so, ask yourself;

Is anyone truly able to force you to do something at work or around the house?

Are there perhaps things you are taking on that NO ONE asked you to do in the first place?

Answer these questions seriously for yourself and you will have more space then when you started. And if you want further help, request  a consultation call to learn how to stop the cycle resentment is creating in your relationships.

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