Let's start with a story:
Jessica is hurting. She's sure her partner isn't attracted to her anymore. Desperate to bring some spark back to her relationship, she tries everything she can think of: she gets new expensive skincare to make her face look younger, starts a new exercise program, changes her diet; she even tries watching the shows her partner likes in hopes of being able to connect more.
But her partner doesn't notice.
Jessica is feeling even worse than when she started and is beginning to wonder if her relationship has a future.
This story is all too common in relationships. And the outcome is more or less guaranteed, since Jessica focus is on changing her outside to make her feel better inside.
But most unfortunately, Jessica's sense of self-worth and innate beauty hasn't changed one bit. She's waiting to be noticed and told how attractive she is. She doesn't yet know that her ability to feel attractive inside and out is entirely in her own hands.
She doesn't need vials of skin cream or to go Paleo. She doesn't need her partner to fawn over her to feel as beautiful as she is.
I can hear you saying
"WHAT? Steve, you're crazy. How can my attractiveness not have anything to do with people's response to me? Isn't that the definition of attraction: my ability to attract someone?"
Feeling attractive and confident starts with your own ideas of yourself. It starts with you completely having your own back, being in your own corner, and LOVING YOUR SELF.
For example: we all know the person who is technically very good looking, and yet we aren't attracted to them.
Likewise, there's that person whose confidence and authenticity makes them irresistible, even though their features aren't what you would call pretty.
So how do you do this?
Start by figuring out what you think of yourself.
Do you think you are worthy of love and affection- AS YOU ARE, RIGHT NOW?
The truth is that you are, but most people choose not to believe that about themselves.
Your ability to love yourself where feeling attractive comes from.
Make a list of the qualities you love about yourself. Not only your physical features but your inner beauty. Don't stop writing until you have listed 20 things you love about you.
Take the time to dive below the surface and appreciate what is already so attractive about you. The more you see it the less you will look outside of yourself for signs that you are attractive because you will be too busy knowing just how beautiful you are.
This work is one of the many gifts our clients give themselves and their relationship when they work with us. You can learn more about how we can support you to have the relationship and life of your dreams here.