Trust is key to a relationship that works.
Whether its between you and your partner or you and your co-workers, if you don't trust each other, it is hard to make magic happen.
But have you ever considered how "trust" really is built?
Most of my clients come to me with culturally held beliefs like:
Trust is earned
Trust is built over time
Trust is given based on the way the other person acts
But if you really think about it, trust is just your belief about another person.
Whether you decide to trust someone is 100% about your thoughts and may not be rooted in the reality of who that other person is or what they are doing at ALL.
If you disagree, I gave an example of this on my podcast this week, have a listen and see if it gives you a different perspective.
The way I see it, trust is not a Faberge egg that gets passed back and forth between two people.
I know some people think that the process of deciding to trust someone is very straightforward, but I bet you have decided to trust someone (or not) based on all sorts of thoughts and sensations in your body.
Think about it:
You might meet someone at a party and get a "good feeling" about them. They remind you of your best friend.
You like their smile.
You both like the same book.
You just met but you feel connected to them. They are a friend of a friend who you trust so you figure- yes, I trust them instantly and will meet them for coffee tomorrow.
You meet someone at a party and you don't like "their vibe". They remind you of a classmate from school you didn't get along with when you were a kid.
You don't like their smile.
They don't seem friendly or maybe you think they are weird.
They are a friend of a friend who says this person is the most loyal, trustworthy friend they have.
Regardless of your friend's opinion, you don't spend more than two minutes total talking to them and decide instantly they don't seem trustworthy.
Trust is so much more about your thoughts and preferences than it is about the other person.
And while you can't control other people or force them to think, say and do what you want them to, you can decide what to think about them.
This is good news, because trust is created by your thoughts and beliefs about another person and how they are behaving you can decide to trust someone (or not) simply because it serves you.
You get to decide to trust or not simply because you want to and stand empowered in your decision.
I go into more depth in this week's podcast. Check it out here