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I was talking with a friend the other day about their marriage. Now, unless they hire me and we are in a formal session, I don't coach my friends, but this friend is was in a lot of pain considering leaving their marriage and really wanted to know what I thought.
Here is what I told them:
It doesn't matter what I think you should do.
If you don't want to be married to this person anymore, then end the relationship.
BUT, just know that in your next relationship, even though the new person may be totally different from your current partner, you will probably take all the same old problems with you.
Why is that?
You grew up in a culture that taught you that other people hold tremendous power over you.
Their attitude, their "vibe" along with their words and actions determines whether you get to feel happy and valued or resentful and worthless.
But this way of thinking is totally wrong and it's preventing you from seeing and addressing your own thought patterns.
If instead of hoping the other person will change, you take the time to break down the habitual patterns you have gained over a lifetime, you will show up in your relationship empowered.
A little bit of work and you can free yourself within your marriage.
It may sound wild, but I promise you that you can dramatically change the tone of your relationship without waiting around for your partner to change or for someone "better" to come along.
And hell, if you do that work and get to this beautiful place for yourself you may still decide you don't want to be married.
But you will be able to end the marriage from a clean and loving place without carrying all your past issues into the next relationship.
That is what I told my friend, and that's what I want to tell you.
Waiting for your spouse to change or waiting for a new perfect partner to come along is really waiting for someone else to make you happy. I believe the best person for that job is you and that this work is the highest form of self-love and self-care.
I am opening up 3 spots in my program this month and I will teach you how to change the patterns holding you back and be the empowered, purposeful person you want to be in EVERY relationship you have.
No more blaming and no more waiting.
I promise you will walk away with a powerful insight for your best next step.