Revitalize Your Relationship Coaching

I noticed something today. Most of the time when I feel a strong emotion I attribute it to the thing I'm reacting to. For example:

I have a confession.

Last month I did something I never dreamed I'd be able to do. I cycled up Haleakala, a 10,000 foot volcano in Maui. I got the idea to do it in September, 2019 and started training, mostly indoors, so that I'd be in shape for the ride in early March, 2020.  As the date approached, the voice in my head that loved reciting all the reasons I couldn't do it or shouldn't do it became stronger and more persistent. But I had received coaching on this, and decided to hang my hat on the thought, "I am going to do this ride."

Guys, consider this: As men we tend to either see ourselves as indestructible perfect superheroes, or as total failures. Even crazier, we can switch between the two perspectives within hours, or even minutes of each other. Think about a time when you felt like everything was just right with the world. You're rocking at work, feeling great about your hair. Then your partner points out a way in which you totally blew it. Maybe it was with the kids, or forgetting something you said you would do. Your heart sinks. You whip yourself inside for being so stupid. "Why even try?" you think. But then, an hour later, you've forgotten about the screw up and are back to being master of your domain, hoping to avoid stepping in something again. That's just what it feels like to be a man, right? Not necessarily.

I have been talking about doubt with a lot of clients and friends this week.

Today I want to share an excerpt from my upcoming book. I am giving this book away ahead of its release along with a stack of my favourite self-developments books to one contest winner. To enter simply head over to the Apple podcast app on your phone, search Revitalize Your Relationship and leave me a written review and then send a screenshot of your review in an email to erin@revitalizeyourrelationship.com. You can also enter by sharing the podcast with your followers on Instagram (don't forget to tag @erinaquin so I see your entry). One winner will be chosen at random on Episode 101 of the podcast. Now lets dive in to one of the most unhelpful relationship fairytales that needs to die straight out of the new book

When you scroll through the smiling faces of your friends on vacation or out at a fancy dinner it is easy to think that everyone else is out there having a great time in their relationship's, in their jobs or as parents.

One of the questions I have been asking my clients recently is one that I think is important for all of us to ask.  Are you really willing to go all in on your relationship/ your career/ a big personal dream? If you are then there is a chance, maybe even a big one that you will have your heart broken. If you pour your time, energy and love into something, it might not turn out the way you had hoped. The relationship might end anyway. You might get passed up for your dream job. You might not get the critical acclaim for your art or the recognition you hoped for for your book. Most people think they can’t handle the prospect of having their heart broken so they never take the risk to find out. But to me and my clients, living in the land of “What if I had just gone for it?” Is the ultimate regret. If you go all in on your relationship or a big dream there is the risk of having your heartbroken, but if you tuck your love away or push your dreams aside out of fear of what you might feel if things don’t work out, I would argue you increase the risk of a broken heart to 100%. I have lived both ways, in avoidance of love and big dreams and in service of love and big dreams. But the latter yields something that just isn’t possible when you avoid. When you are willing to love something so much that you go after you big dreams, you also open yourself to things being wildly more beautiful than you could imagined. The risk is worth it for me.

Right now I am away on retreat in Nice, France with some of my beautiful Life Coach soul sisters. I am writing my new relationship book in a room overlooking the Mediterranean. We are exploring the villages nearby, sharing ideas and inspiration. We are doing yoga on the terrace and spending our evenings enjoying amazing food and even better company. It is a pure joy to be here and also this trip is an act of self-investment. I am intentionally focusing my time and energy on what nourishes me. I can sleep and eat according to my own preferred schedule and practice self-care in an environment where I am not also looking after my children or working with my husbands schedule. I will admit, it took me about a day to remember that I am not beholden to anyone else but me while I am here. Most of us in relationships have come to believe that the most kind and loving thing you can do is look after your partner first and put their desires above yours. I think we have this wrong.

Right now I am sitting in the airport waiting to fly to France were I will spend a week on retreat with some Life Coach friends who I seriously love. This is the second retreat I have gone on in the last six weeks to work on my new book about how to create better relationships.   Interestingly, the other day I was telling someone about it and they said (very innocently):   "Wow, you must be so grateful you have a husband that let's you do that."   The first part of that sentence I agree with.   I do feel grateful to be with my husband. He is a wonderful partner and an amazing parent to our kids. I love him and we have a blast together.    BUT let's be clear.   He doesn't "let" me do anything.