Revitalize Your Relationship Coaching

People tell me all the time that they struggle to find even one area of their life where they put their own needs and desires first.  They are working hard to do everything for everyone and can't understand why it doesn't seem like enough and why their partners don't appreciate them more. Listen, I know you think you are doing everyone a favour by being last in line to get a piece of your own time and energy, but actually the opposite is true. Think about it. When you put yourself last how do you show up in your life? Are you loving, kind, patient and compassionate? or are you more often, resentful, annoyed and snippy? I definitely gravitate towards the second option. So in the last few years, even as my life has become more full in many ways, I have stopped overcommitting myself out of a false sense of obligation, and I am going to tell you the first, and most simple step so you can do the same. The First Step to Prioritizing Yourself I start each week by sitting down with my calendar a list of all the things I want to accomplish, events with my kids or my husband, all my clients, things I need to do in my coaching business AND all the ways I am planning to self-invest. Those may include things like: - workouts - self-coaching time - yoga - reading  - my meals Next I put those self-care investments on my calendar. Yes, you read that, I put MYSELF on my calendar first and I suggest you do the same. The goal for you is each and every day put something on there that is just for you. It can be a contribution to your physical health, personal or professional development or just down time to take a nap. But NOTHING else goes on your calendar until those investments are set up. Next plan your family time, dates with your partner, your work and social time and anything else you want to do with your time this week. The most powerful thing about doing this for me is when I see it all in front of me I know instantly if I am being unrealistic with how much I am trying to do in a week. If you look at your calendar and feel immediately overwhelmed, go back through what you planned and prune the things that are not essential or that you really don't want to do, BUT don't sacrifice your self-investments. And if you like this idea but aren't sure it is a possible approach for you, I want to invite you to join me on a free consultation call to learn how I can help you end the cycle of resentment and overwhelm and get back on track to the relationship and LIFE you want.

  Its a really common thing for people who are having relationship problems to "My partner doesn't make me feel loved anymore." One of the most liberating things you will learn in coaching is that in fact no one can make you feel loved. Let me use my toddler as an example.

If your relationship has been in turmoil for awhile, I want to shed light on the true price you are paying as your try to improve it.   How much time and money have you spent trying to "fix things"   Do you buy gifts, vacations or expensive dinners hoping that this time you will be able to rekindle the spark?

We grow up in a culture that tells us that the only acceptable feelings are positive ones. Most of us have learned from a young age that the point of life is to be happy all the time and if we’re not there is something wrong with us. The problem is that were also taught simultaneously that other people are responsible for how we feel. Most people believe that you feel good or bad, happy or sad depending on the mood of your spouse or the way your partner talks to you. One of the most powerful gifts I give my clients is to teach them how disempowering that is and how to change it. The first thing you must understand is that someone else's words and actions don't create your feelings. It's your thoughts about those words or actions that create your feelings. If you don't believe me try this quick experiment:

If you are following the podcast on Facebook then you may have caught this, but someone recently asked me:  "What happens on one of these 'Life Coaching' consultations you are always talking about?" I told them:  "It's kind of like a first date...except that the person you are going out with is future YOU."

  I heard this great question the other day and thought of all the work we are doing here. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in all the things we think of our partner, what they do that we like and what they do that we don't. And we forget one very important question: Do you like the way YOU are acting in your relationship? I had a relationship years ago where by day, I was a relaxed, cheerful yoga teacher. And when I was hanging out with my boyfriend...I felt constantly annoyed, snippy and wanted to crawl out of my skin.  I reacted in childish, dramatic ways to things he said. I complained about him all the time in my head. I found a million things that he did that I hated. And when we broke up, I told everyone it was because he was an annoying jerk. But the truth is, he was the way he was.  He actually didn't change much in the course of the relationship.  What changed were my thoughts about him and about me.

  How often do you think to yourself: I will start tomorrow or maybe next week. I want to enjoy my summer holidays, I will start after that. The rush of the new school year is so busy, maybe I will just wait a little longer before I start. The holidays are just around the corner, I will start fresh in the new year. And on and on and on. The hard truth here is that when you hold on to the idea that you must wait until the "perfect moment" to begin on your goals you are leaking precious time and energy.

  Relationships are not always simple or easy. In fact if you have put your heart on the line and been in love, chances are you have also felt the sting of loss, rejection, anger and pain. Every relationship ends. Even the one's that are beautiful and magical end because life in this body doesn't last forever. That is part of the deal we sign up for humans who decide to choose to feel love. But sometimes relationships end and it isn't your choice. You are mad at your ex for what they did (or what they failed to do). You feel unworthy, unlovable and make their decision mean something negative about you.

Watching someone you love in pain is never easy.  You want to help. You want them to feel better. You want them to feel better so you can feel better. But here is the truth and you might not like it.

Earlier this week I shared   this podcast  with you. I talked about how the criteria for whether to break-up or stay together is a personal one.  And yet, I know some of you listened and don’t trust yourself to make the “right” choice about this or about any other decision in your relationship. Here is the thing. While you are stuck in what I call “decision limbo” weighing pros and cons, looking for evidence that you should stay or that you should go and waiting for the other shoe to drop you are abandoning yourself and your relationship. If you are focused on your partner - what they did or didn’t do you are robbing yourself of time and energy. Every moment you don’t make a decision is another precious moment of your life gone that you can’t get it back. This is true of every decision, big or small. What I notice in my clients who are in the same boat is that indecision breeds more indecision. All the flip flopping going on in your head is a direct path to more doubt and confusion. Here is my gift to you: