Revitalize Your Relationship Coaching

Today I turn 39 and I want to share something I learned in the last few years that has set me free: SELF-CARE IS SELFISH  I know a lot of people try to chant the mantra and convince themselves and others that it isn’t, but the truth is if you aren’t currently prioritizing some aspect of your well-being it’s probably because you believe that taking a few hours to yourself or spending money on things that support you or bring joy WILL result in other people suffering. I have lost track of the number of times my clients have willingly paid for their partners to get the professional emotional support they need, but feel guilty hiring their own Coach. Or the parents who will spend 15 hours a week in the car and tens of thousands of dollars on activities for their children, but can't imagine spending a few hundred dollars and a couple hours a month getting a massage. I know firsthand how hard it is to break from the social conventions that tell us that to suffer and deny ourselves for those we care about is love, and to prioritize ourselves above anyone else is selfish. My own self-care (or what I now call self-investment) became pretty scare for a few years when my kids were really little.

As a former workaholic and professional dancer-with-burn-out, one of the pillars of my work with clients is helping them build a more sustainable schedule. If you are an entrepreneur, you need time to work, but probably not as much as you currently spend. For the past month, I have been experimenting with a 25 hour work week and I am loving the effects on my business and my life. It feels more in alignment to only spend time on what is essential and beneficial for my clients and use the other hours of the day enjoying the life I have worked so hard to build. You might not be ready to cut down your hours at the desk just yet, but if you are overworking this one is for you. I want to offer you the same first step I took to reprioritize my entire life, personally and professionally. It called Self-Investment Sunday (but any day that works for you, will work for this) One day each week, our family goes almost completely screen free and usually the day before we get whatever we need to make that time restful and fun.

On Monday I had a moment that stopped me in my tracks. I was hanging out with my kids and realized that in 4 months I will be sending them both to school. We have been under lockdown full time since February 2020 and while it's been a rollercoaster, the bond of our little family is strong and beautiful. So the realization that soon they would be off on their next adventure gave me pause. Even though I consider myself to have a much more harmonious schedule than the average entrepreneur, I still work more than I want to on things in my business that I am not entirely sure are essential. Don't get me wrong, I have developed some serious entrepreneurial superpowers (and I will teach you all of them inside the Love + Success Group Coaching Program) For instance I know how to:

Yesterday, Steve shared some wisdom we have learned from one of our Love + Success Summit speakers Tiffany Shlain (if you aren't registered for the event, you can do so here; it's FREE). In our home, we are more plugged in now than ever before. My kids do everything virtually from kindergarten to piano and even yoga. But after reading Tiffany's book 24/6, I knew I wanted to have a no-screen day every week, but wasn't sure if I could pull it off. The thought of not being available on the weekends to tie up loose ends, not finding out until Monday that our website was down or that a client was having trouble accessing something, sounded more stressful than being able to just check my phone and email over the weekend. I was torn, but I decided to give it a try and I am so glad we did because our screen free day is beautiful.

Self-care or what I like to call self-investing, is one of those things we all know we should be doing and yet most of us don’t.  The main reason I hear from my clients is that there is always a list of things to be done and people who want their time and attention. So the thought of carving out even an hour a week for most people leads them to feel guilty (especially the entrepreneurs).

As an adult human, you are always deciding. For instance, you're deciding to watch this video right now. But for most people, their decisions are not conscious. Which is the reason so many people struggle to make important changes in their lives. There's a difference between an everyday decision, like deciding what video to watch, and what I call a real decision. A real decision realigns your priorities. It removes obstacles. It is the starting line for stepping into a new space. Examples include marriage, deciding on a career path, starting a business, or becoming a parent. These are things that open up doors to a new world of experiences and challenges. The interesting thing about real decisions, is you only know if it was real in hindsight. Only after a period of time do you see if you followed through. Did you actually step into that new space and stay there through all the ups and downs? That brings us to the topic of constraint. Constraining your focus gives you energy for what matters. It frees you from what YOU decided was less important, to focus on what is more important. For example, most people say it's hard to find time to meditate. When I decided that my spiritual growth was the most important thing in my life, I joined a group of people where we meditated for two hours every day. My constraint was in the expectations my friends and I had for each other. Most people take on too much, falsely thinking that saying no to things means they will miss out on something important. But how much energy do you really have for what's important if you're always busy, trying to keep up, rushing to catch your breath? For instance, if you want to invest in your relationship, but you also want to start a business, train for a marathon, and raise small children, you'll be spread so thin that nothing will move forward. That situation becomes a downward spiral.

I am your Relationship Coach.  Maybe like many people in my community, you found me and started listening to my podcast because you are struggling with one of  your core relationships and need some help.

Happy Spring Equinox! The first day of Spring is a huge relief from winter's chill. Today we can start to look forward to new growth and possibility for the season ahead. As an Elemental Yin Yang yogi this is also the time to welcome Wood energy into your life for the next few months. (If you aren't familiar with Wood energy you can learn about the basics here.) In preparation for all the creative output and work we are planning for here at Aquin Yoga HQ, I spent some time this weekend decluttering my office. (That's a picture of my badass library in fact.) But decluttering physical space is just a part of my Spring cleaning routine. The most important way I prepare to get productive for these next few months is by cleaning up my thinking and getting clear on my goals. To do that I use an array of tools and techniques and my hope is that by sharing them with you, you will find a few more ways to make your Spring amazingly productive.

You might think the title of this blog is strange since I write so much about big dreams and re-thinking the idea of success, but while planning my upcoming meditation series at De La Sol Yoga and the Spring Revitalization Retreat on April 30, I have been talking to students about why they started their yoga or meditation practice and why they continue. Reducing stress, improving well-being and attitude are the most common reasons. While it is true that practice can help with these things, I am interested to know why so many of us feel stressed out, sick and negative in the first place. Most of my students have really good lives. They have careers, homes, families, love and safety. Having all of those things in a world where so many have so little should be a recipe for lasting ease, health and happiness.  Sadly, countless studies show that our culture as a whole struggles to find meaning and contentment. Even though you probably have wealth and security in many domains of life, you might also be struggling with an unspoken stress that is silently damaging your health and well-being.

Spring is finally here! It is a huge relief to see specks of green popping up everywhere and to know that warmer days are around the corner.  If you are like me, this transition has you feeling the urge to embrace this change with a clean slate. For some people a deep clean of your living space or office is enough to give you that fresh springtime feeling. For others this is a perfect time to do a major overhaul in all areas of life. As a yoga practitioner you already know that the external and internal tend to reflect one another. Have you noticed it is easier to be productive if you work in a clean and tidy office? On the other hand, do you feel stressed out after spending time with negative or unsupportive people? While you can't orchestrate the perfect circumstances to be happy and thriving at all times, you certainly can give yourself a head start. Spring brings a beautiful energy of growth, possibility and new perspectives. That makes it a perfect time to clear out any residual mental, physical or emotional clutter and make space for the good things ahead. This week, I am going to share some of the major areas you might consider refreshing in order to start the season off right. Let's dive in!