Revitalize Your Relationship Coaching

*The doors to my Revitalize Your Relationship Program are open, only 4 spots left for March. Request a consultation now.* I was talking with a friend the other day about their marriage. Now, unless they hire me and we are in a formal session, I don't coach my friends, but this friend is was in a lot of pain considering leaving their marriage and really wanted to know what I thought. Here is what I told them: It doesn't matter what I think you should do. If you don't want to be married to this person anymore, then end the relationship. BUT, just know that in your next relationship, even though the new person may be totally different from your current partner, you will probably take all the same old problems with you. Why is that? You grew up in a culture that taught you that other people hold tremendous power over you. Their attitude, their "vibe" along with their words and actions determines whether you get to feel happy and valued or resentful and worthless. But this way of thinking is totally wrong and it's preventing you from seeing and addressing your own thought patterns.

Some dub it Mommy Brain, others call hormone reconfiguration or chalk it up to sleep deprivation, but there are more and more studies that show big changes to your brain during pregnancy and after having children.  When I had my daughter, I noticed that I felt "different". My personal experience with with both my children was that the pregnancy felt generally rough with brief moments of relief and then something resembling elation after they were born. I remember both times, moments after giving birth, feeling exhausted and marvelling at the beautiful baby in may arms, thinking that now I would finally start to feel "normal" again. But the truth is that I was forever changed. And the gift I have been able to give myself and the one I want to give to you since realizing it is to completely let go of the idea that you or I will ever get back to the pre-pregnancy versions of ourselves.  To a new mother, at first, that realization can feel very disempowering. 

Connecting with your partner especially after having children is not always easy to do.

  I love my children with all my heart. They are beautiful little beings and most of the time they are a joy to be around. But there are some days and some phases of their growth, when I wonder if one or both of them will ever stop crying/screaming/doing the exact opposite of what I am asking them to do. Those days feel rough and often when Steve comes home, I am just done. All I want to do is go sit in the bathtub with a few candles and a book alone for a few hours. As much as I try to remember that my kids are doing exactly what learning, growing, healthy children do it takes effort not to feel like I am failing as a parent. Those days are hard as every parent knows, but while many of us focus and worry about how our relationship is going with our children, it is easy to hit pause on your relationship with your partner. I get it. You feel exhausted and after singing the same five songs or answering the same five questions all day, you might want to veg out instead of have a meaningful conversation. You might lie down with your kids and bedtime and routinely fall asleep for hours. Or maybe, you feel the seeds of resentment and spend all your time together going back and forth with your spouse complaining about why your day was more difficult than theirs. How Can You Change This?

When it comes to sticking to your commitments to yourself, are you any good at it?