Revitalize Your Relationship Coaching

Want to watch me walk you through this process on Facebook Live? Click here to watch instead of read.   Sometimes people think that because I help people have great relationships with their partner's that my own relationship must be perfection and bliss at all times. Let me assure you....it's not. But here is why I think that is a good thing. If my marriage were perfect and easy all the time, I wouldn't really need the tools I am teaching my clients, I would get rusty and probably wouldn't make the investment into my own self-coaching that I encourage my clients to make. So today, I am going to pull back the curtain on my own relationship to share with you the main challenge I am working on actively right now and exactly what I am doing to improve this issue. This the exact step-by-step process of how I coach myself and my clients to find solutions to all their problems.

  Relationships are not always simple or easy. In fact if you have put your heart on the line and been in love, chances are you have also felt the sting of loss, rejection, anger and pain. Every relationship ends. Even the one's that are beautiful and magical end because life in this body doesn't last forever. That is part of the deal we sign up for humans who decide to choose to feel love. But sometimes relationships end and it isn't your choice. You are mad at your ex for what they did (or what they failed to do). You feel unworthy, unlovable and make their decision mean something negative about you.

Watching someone you love in pain is never easy.  You want to help. You want them to feel better. You want them to feel better so you can feel better. But here is the truth and you might not like it.

Earlier this week I shared   this podcast  with you. I talked about how the criteria for whether to break-up or stay together is a personal one.  And yet, I know some of you listened and don’t trust yourself to make the “right” choice about this or about any other decision in your relationship. Here is the thing. While you are stuck in what I call “decision limbo” weighing pros and cons, looking for evidence that you should stay or that you should go and waiting for the other shoe to drop you are abandoning yourself and your relationship. If you are focused on your partner - what they did or didn’t do you are robbing yourself of time and energy. Every moment you don’t make a decision is another precious moment of your life gone that you can’t get it back. This is true of every decision, big or small. What I notice in my clients who are in the same boat is that indecision breeds more indecision. All the flip flopping going on in your head is a direct path to more doubt and confusion. Here is my gift to you:

I am not telling many people about this, but I decided to work with a handful of couples who are 100 % committed to making their relationship healthier and happier. But let me be clear.

Trust is key to a relationship that works.  Whether its between you and your partner or you and your co-workers, if you don't trust each other, it is hard to make magic happen. But have you ever considered how "trust" really is built?

 As a Life Coach, I have become an expert on dealing with what I call “Cockroach Thoughts and Emotions”. In fact I just released an entire episode on the topic here. I know it isn't a pretty image but there is a reason for that. These are the sneaky, persistent thoughts and feelings that come up when the lights are off and seem to survive in spite of all the cleaning, growth and personal development you do. You may have spotted one of these "Thought Cockroaches" running from the light of your self-awareness. And once you have seen it, you JUST know there are others. These are thoughts like: “He doesn’t love me anymore.” “Our marriage is falling apart.” “I’m not good enough.”

This past weekend it was my fourth anniversary. Steve and I had two weddings and we celebrate them both because both occasions were so meaningful to our lives and it's another excuse to eat a beautiful meal (I even managed to make a chai cake while he was out with the kids for a little while). I also think it is important, at least for us, to have these moments to reflect on our lives in one another's orbit especially after having children because there are some days when we get to spend about five minutes together total all day and we use it to figure out the logistics of the next day. The Problem Sometimes I feel like I won the lottery when I married Steve. He is a kind, fun, intelligent and supportive partner and an engaged loving parent too. If you don't know much about him, check this out and you will get a sense of him. Our relationship works but not just because Steve is amazing. I think the reason that some relationships flourish when children are added to the mix and others seems to shrivel has a lot to do with the learned parameters we have of what a relationship "should" look like and the checklist of expectations we hold over our partners. From "Love Langauge's" to Couples Retreat's, the search for connection with your partner in the midst of nurturing your career and raising children can be a challenging one (often made more challenging if you feel embarrassed about your relationship trouble). If this resonates, it might be because you were taught directly or indirectly that what your partner does has an impact on you. You probably believe, like many do, that your spouse should do things they know you will make you happy and never do anything that might upset you. The Manual In Life Coaching, we call this The Manual.

If you have read my blog or listened to the Alive With Purpose Podcast, then you know I am very into self-care. Since becoming a parent, I think it is twice as important now in my life since the mental load of caring for children can be very overwhelming if you aren't paying attention. But as valuable self-care time is for me now, I also know I have to be more creative with how I make that space in my life than I did when I was single and didn't have kids. I recorded an entire podcast for you on my current self-care must haves which you can listen to on iTunes here (Get Episode 22 now). You don't have to be a parent to love these self-care rituals. I also made you a free cheat sheet where I have put everything together for you in one place. Head over to my show notes and click the magic pop over to get my favourite cookbooks, food blogs, my new fitness obsession, my daily face care ritual and more.

I am not a Valentines Day kind of gal.