Revitalize Your Relationship Coaching

Saying sorry is hard, but it’s necessary for a strong relationship. If you struggle with apologizing in a way that is true to yourself here’s something to try: state your intentions behind your actions as well as your feelings for the effect that those actions had on your partner. For instance, “I’m sorry you feel like I’ve been avoiding you. I didn’t intend for that to happen, I was just very focused on my work. What can I do to help you?” This way you hear them entirely without defending. You acknowledge that you have room to grow, but also that your heart is in the right place. You are in this relationship because you love them, and emphasizing that always helps during a disagreement or when your partner says that something you did or said hurt them.

One day every week, I take a CEO day. It's a day without meetings or client work where my calendar is wide open to think about the big vision for my business and how to make even more impact for the people we serve. It's also the day I do some luxurious self-investing. I do my own coaching, deepen my study and mastery of the art of coaching, take a long walk or do a workout, a sauna and go for a massage.

Self-care or what I like to call self-investing, is one of those things we all know we should be doing and yet most of us don’t.  The main reason I hear from my clients is that there is always a list of things to be done and people who want their time and attention. So the thought of carving out even an hour a week for most people leads them to feel guilty (especially the entrepreneurs).

As a man, have you considered how many of your feelings you were taught not to feel—especially those that could cause you to do "unmanly" things, like cry? If you sometimes struggle with your relationship, this lesson repeated all around us could be the reason. First of all, what does "unmanly" mean? It includes feeling: Weak Sensitive Receptive Unsure Upset Vulnerable Basically it's anything other than the generally accepted norms of manliness, which mean feeling: Angry Determined Strong Confident Successful What this means is that if you're a man and you're feeling anything on the first list, you will want to avoid it, repress it, or hide it from the world. This is because most men were taught that you're not "supposed" to be feeling it. So it won't even register. And you'll miss the tender, vulnerable moments because those feelings are not welcome for you. What Changes Everything

Let's start with a story: Jessica is hurting. She's sure her partner isn't attracted to her anymore. Desperate to bring some spark back to her relationship, she tries everything she can think of: she gets new expensive skincare to make her face look younger, starts a new exercise program, changes her diet; she even tries watching the shows her partner likes in hopes of being able to connect more. But her partner doesn't notice. Jessica is feeling even worse than when she started and is beginning to wonder if her relationship has a future. This story is all too common in relationships. And the outcome is more or less guaranteed, since Jessica focus is on changing her outside to make her feel better inside.

I am your Relationship Coach.  Maybe like many people in my community, you found me and started listening to my podcast because you are struggling with one of  your core relationships and need some help.

I noticed something today. Most of the time when I feel a strong emotion I attribute it to the thing I'm reacting to. For example:

Guys, consider this: As men we tend to either see ourselves as indestructible perfect superheroes, or as total failures. Even crazier, we can switch between the two perspectives within hours, or even minutes of each other. Think about a time when you felt like everything was just right with the world. You're rocking at work, feeling great about your hair. Then your partner points out a way in which you totally blew it. Maybe it was with the kids, or forgetting something you said you would do. Your heart sinks. You whip yourself inside for being so stupid. "Why even try?" you think. But then, an hour later, you've forgotten about the screw up and are back to being master of your domain, hoping to avoid stepping in something again. That's just what it feels like to be a man, right? Not necessarily.

I have been talking about doubt with a lot of clients and friends this week.