Revitalize Your Relationship Coaching

Today I want to share an excerpt from my upcoming book. I am giving this book away ahead of its release along with a stack of my favourite self-developments books to one contest winner. To enter simply head over to the Apple podcast app on your phone, search Revitalize Your Relationship and leave me a written review and then send a screenshot of your review in an email to erin@revitalizeyourrelationship.com. You can also enter by sharing the podcast with your followers on Instagram (don't forget to tag @erinaquin so I see your entry). One winner will be chosen at random on Episode 101 of the podcast. Now lets dive in to one of the most unhelpful relationship fairytales that needs to die straight out of the new book

When you scroll through the smiling faces of your friends on vacation or out at a fancy dinner it is easy to think that everyone else is out there having a great time in their relationship's, in their jobs or as parents.

One of the questions I have been asking my clients recently is one that I think is important for all of us to ask.  Are you really willing to go all in on your relationship/ your career/ a big personal dream? If you are then there is a chance, maybe even a big one that you will have your heart broken. If you pour your time, energy and love into something, it might not turn out the way you had hoped. The relationship might end anyway. You might get passed up for your dream job. You might not get the critical acclaim for your art or the recognition you hoped for for your book. Most people think they can’t handle the prospect of having their heart broken so they never take the risk to find out. But to me and my clients, living in the land of “What if I had just gone for it?” Is the ultimate regret. If you go all in on your relationship or a big dream there is the risk of having your heartbroken, but if you tuck your love away or push your dreams aside out of fear of what you might feel if things don’t work out, I would argue you increase the risk of a broken heart to 100%. I have lived both ways, in avoidance of love and big dreams and in service of love and big dreams. But the latter yields something that just isn’t possible when you avoid. When you are willing to love something so much that you go after you big dreams, you also open yourself to things being wildly more beautiful than you could imagined. The risk is worth it for me.

Right now I am away on retreat in Nice, France with some of my beautiful Life Coach soul sisters. I am writing my new relationship book in a room overlooking the Mediterranean. We are exploring the villages nearby, sharing ideas and inspiration. We are doing yoga on the terrace and spending our evenings enjoying amazing food and even better company. It is a pure joy to be here and also this trip is an act of self-investment. I am intentionally focusing my time and energy on what nourishes me. I can sleep and eat according to my own preferred schedule and practice self-care in an environment where I am not also looking after my children or working with my husbands schedule. I will admit, it took me about a day to remember that I am not beholden to anyone else but me while I am here. Most of us in relationships have come to believe that the most kind and loving thing you can do is look after your partner first and put their desires above yours. I think we have this wrong.

Right now I am sitting in the airport waiting to fly to France were I will spend a week on retreat with some Life Coach friends who I seriously love. This is the second retreat I have gone on in the last six weeks to work on my new book about how to create better relationships.   Interestingly, the other day I was telling someone about it and they said (very innocently):   "Wow, you must be so grateful you have a husband that let's you do that."   The first part of that sentence I agree with.   I do feel grateful to be with my husband. He is a wonderful partner and an amazing parent to our kids. I love him and we have a blast together.    BUT let's be clear.   He doesn't "let" me do anything.

Want to watch me walk you through this process on Facebook Live? Click here to watch instead of read.   Sometimes people think that because I help people have great relationships with their partner's that my own relationship must be perfection and bliss at all times. Let me assure you....it's not. But here is why I think that is a good thing. If my marriage were perfect and easy all the time, I wouldn't really need the tools I am teaching my clients, I would get rusty and probably wouldn't make the investment into my own self-coaching that I encourage my clients to make. So today, I am going to pull back the curtain on my own relationship to share with you the main challenge I am working on actively right now and exactly what I am doing to improve this issue. This the exact step-by-step process of how I coach myself and my clients to find solutions to all their problems.

Sometimes when you are in a long-term relationship, you see history repeating itself. One moment things are great and the next you aren't really talking to each other. And it reminds you of a relationship from long ago (that went down in flames). If you think you or your partner might be sabotaging your relationship, then these are the steps you can use to change that pattern forever.

By far one of the most popular books in the self-help for relationships world is "The 5 Love Languages". A lot of people are handed this book when their relationship is getting tough and I know it has been helpful for many couples out there. 

People tell me all the time that they struggle to find even one area of their life where they put their own needs and desires first.  They are working hard to do everything for everyone and can't understand why it doesn't seem like enough and why their partners don't appreciate them more. Listen, I know you think you are doing everyone a favour by being last in line to get a piece of your own time and energy, but actually the opposite is true. Think about it. When you put yourself last how do you show up in your life? Are you loving, kind, patient and compassionate? or are you more often, resentful, annoyed and snippy? I definitely gravitate towards the second option. So in the last few years, even as my life has become more full in many ways, I have stopped overcommitting myself out of a false sense of obligation, and I am going to tell you the first, and most simple step so you can do the same. The First Step to Prioritizing Yourself I start each week by sitting down with my calendar a list of all the things I want to accomplish, events with my kids or my husband, all my clients, things I need to do in my coaching business AND all the ways I am planning to self-invest. Those may include things like: - workouts - self-coaching time - yoga - reading  - my meals Next I put those self-care investments on my calendar. Yes, you read that, I put MYSELF on my calendar first and I suggest you do the same. The goal for you is each and every day put something on there that is just for you. It can be a contribution to your physical health, personal or professional development or just down time to take a nap. But NOTHING else goes on your calendar until those investments are set up. Next plan your family time, dates with your partner, your work and social time and anything else you want to do with your time this week. The most powerful thing about doing this for me is when I see it all in front of me I know instantly if I am being unrealistic with how much I am trying to do in a week. If you look at your calendar and feel immediately overwhelmed, go back through what you planned and prune the things that are not essential or that you really don't want to do, BUT don't sacrifice your self-investments. And if you like this idea but aren't sure it is a possible approach for you, I want to invite you to join me on a free consultation call to learn how I can help you end the cycle of resentment and overwhelm and get back on track to the relationship and LIFE you want.

  Its a really common thing for people who are having relationship problems to "My partner doesn't make me feel loved anymore." One of the most liberating things you will learn in coaching is that in fact no one can make you feel loved. Let me use my toddler as an example.