Revitalize Your Relationship Coaching

As a man, have you considered how many of your feelings you were taught not to feel—especially those that could cause you to do "unmanly" things, like cry? If you sometimes struggle with your relationship, this lesson repeated all around us could be the reason. First of all, what does "unmanly" mean? It includes feeling: Weak Sensitive Receptive Unsure Upset Vulnerable Basically it's anything other than the generally accepted norms of manliness, which mean feeling: Angry Determined Strong Confident Successful What this means is that if you're a man and you're feeling anything on the first list, you will want to avoid it, repress it, or hide it from the world. This is because most men were taught that you're not "supposed" to be feeling it. So it won't even register. And you'll miss the tender, vulnerable moments because those feelings are not welcome for you. What Changes Everything

Let's start with a story: Jessica is hurting. She's sure her partner isn't attracted to her anymore. Desperate to bring some spark back to her relationship, she tries everything she can think of: she gets new expensive skincare to make her face look younger, starts a new exercise program, changes her diet; she even tries watching the shows her partner likes in hopes of being able to connect more. But her partner doesn't notice. Jessica is feeling even worse than when she started and is beginning to wonder if her relationship has a future. This story is all too common in relationships. And the outcome is more or less guaranteed, since Jessica focus is on changing her outside to make her feel better inside.

I am your Relationship Coach.  Maybe like many people in my community, you found me and started listening to my podcast because you are struggling with one of  your core relationships and need some help.

I noticed something today. Most of the time when I feel a strong emotion I attribute it to the thing I'm reacting to. For example:

Guys, consider this: As men we tend to either see ourselves as indestructible perfect superheroes, or as total failures. Even crazier, we can switch between the two perspectives within hours, or even minutes of each other. Think about a time when you felt like everything was just right with the world. You're rocking at work, feeling great about your hair. Then your partner points out a way in which you totally blew it. Maybe it was with the kids, or forgetting something you said you would do. Your heart sinks. You whip yourself inside for being so stupid. "Why even try?" you think. But then, an hour later, you've forgotten about the screw up and are back to being master of your domain, hoping to avoid stepping in something again. That's just what it feels like to be a man, right? Not necessarily.

I have been talking about doubt with a lot of clients and friends this week.

Today I want to share an excerpt from my upcoming book. I am giving this book away ahead of its release along with a stack of my favourite self-developments books to one contest winner. To enter simply head over to the Apple podcast app on your phone, search Revitalize Your Relationship and leave me a written review and then send a screenshot of your review in an email to erin@revitalizeyourrelationship.com. You can also enter by sharing the podcast with your followers on Instagram (don't forget to tag @erinaquin so I see your entry). One winner will be chosen at random on Episode 101 of the podcast. Now lets dive in to one of the most unhelpful relationship fairytales that needs to die straight out of the new book

When you scroll through the smiling faces of your friends on vacation or out at a fancy dinner it is easy to think that everyone else is out there having a great time in their relationship's, in their jobs or as parents.

One of the questions I have been asking my clients recently is one that I think is important for all of us to ask.  Are you really willing to go all in on your relationship/ your career/ a big personal dream? If you are then there is a chance, maybe even a big one that you will have your heart broken. If you pour your time, energy and love into something, it might not turn out the way you had hoped. The relationship might end anyway. You might get passed up for your dream job. You might not get the critical acclaim for your art or the recognition you hoped for for your book. Most people think they can’t handle the prospect of having their heart broken so they never take the risk to find out. But to me and my clients, living in the land of “What if I had just gone for it?” Is the ultimate regret. If you go all in on your relationship or a big dream there is the risk of having your heartbroken, but if you tuck your love away or push your dreams aside out of fear of what you might feel if things don’t work out, I would argue you increase the risk of a broken heart to 100%. I have lived both ways, in avoidance of love and big dreams and in service of love and big dreams. But the latter yields something that just isn’t possible when you avoid. When you are willing to love something so much that you go after you big dreams, you also open yourself to things being wildly more beautiful than you could imagined. The risk is worth it for me.