Revitalize Your Relationship Coaching

When you scroll through the smiling faces of your friends on vacation or out at a fancy dinner it is easy to think that everyone else is out there having a great time in their relationship's, in their jobs or as parents.

Right now I am away on retreat in Nice, France with some of my beautiful Life Coach soul sisters. I am writing my new relationship book in a room overlooking the Mediterranean. We are exploring the villages nearby, sharing ideas and inspiration. We are doing yoga on the terrace and spending our evenings enjoying amazing food and even better company. It is a pure joy to be here and also this trip is an act of self-investment. I am intentionally focusing my time and energy on what nourishes me. I can sleep and eat according to my own preferred schedule and practice self-care in an environment where I am not also looking after my children or working with my husbands schedule. I will admit, it took me about a day to remember that I am not beholden to anyone else but me while I am here. Most of us in relationships have come to believe that the most kind and loving thing you can do is look after your partner first and put their desires above yours. I think we have this wrong.

Right now I am sitting in the airport waiting to fly to France were I will spend a week on retreat with some Life Coach friends who I seriously love. This is the second retreat I have gone on in the last six weeks to work on my new book about how to create better relationships.   Interestingly, the other day I was telling someone about it and they said (very innocently):   "Wow, you must be so grateful you have a husband that let's you do that."   The first part of that sentence I agree with.   I do feel grateful to be with my husband. He is a wonderful partner and an amazing parent to our kids. I love him and we have a blast together.    BUT let's be clear.   He doesn't "let" me do anything.

Want to watch me walk you through this process on Facebook Live? Click here to watch instead of read.   Sometimes people think that because I help people have great relationships with their partner's that my own relationship must be perfection and bliss at all times. Let me assure you....it's not. But here is why I think that is a good thing. If my marriage were perfect and easy all the time, I wouldn't really need the tools I am teaching my clients, I would get rusty and probably wouldn't make the investment into my own self-coaching that I encourage my clients to make. So today, I am going to pull back the curtain on my own relationship to share with you the main challenge I am working on actively right now and exactly what I am doing to improve this issue. This the exact step-by-step process of how I coach myself and my clients to find solutions to all their problems.

Sometimes when you are in a long-term relationship, you see history repeating itself. One moment things are great and the next you aren't really talking to each other. And it reminds you of a relationship from long ago (that went down in flames). If you think you or your partner might be sabotaging your relationship, then these are the steps you can use to change that pattern forever.

By far one of the most popular books in the self-help for relationships world is "The 5 Love Languages". A lot of people are handed this book when their relationship is getting tough and I know it has been helpful for many couples out there. 

People tell me all the time that they struggle to find even one area of their life where they put their own needs and desires first.  They are working hard to do everything for everyone and can't understand why it doesn't seem like enough and why their partners don't appreciate them more. Listen, I know you think you are doing everyone a favour by being last in line to get a piece of your own time and energy, but actually the opposite is true. Think about it. When you put yourself last how do you show up in your life? Are you loving, kind, patient and compassionate? or are you more often, resentful, annoyed and snippy? I definitely gravitate towards the second option. So in the last few years, even as my life has become more full in many ways, I have stopped overcommitting myself out of a false sense of obligation, and I am going to tell you the first, and most simple step so you can do the same. The First Step to Prioritizing Yourself I start each week by sitting down with my calendar a list of all the things I want to accomplish, events with my kids or my husband, all my clients, things I need to do in my coaching business AND all the ways I am planning to self-invest. Those may include things like: - workouts - self-coaching time - yoga - reading  - my meals Next I put those self-care investments on my calendar. Yes, you read that, I put MYSELF on my calendar first and I suggest you do the same. The goal for you is each and every day put something on there that is just for you. It can be a contribution to your physical health, personal or professional development or just down time to take a nap. But NOTHING else goes on your calendar until those investments are set up. Next plan your family time, dates with your partner, your work and social time and anything else you want to do with your time this week. The most powerful thing about doing this for me is when I see it all in front of me I know instantly if I am being unrealistic with how much I am trying to do in a week. If you look at your calendar and feel immediately overwhelmed, go back through what you planned and prune the things that are not essential or that you really don't want to do, BUT don't sacrifice your self-investments. And if you like this idea but aren't sure it is a possible approach for you, I want to invite you to join me on a free consultation call to learn how I can help you end the cycle of resentment and overwhelm and get back on track to the relationship and LIFE you want.

We grow up in a culture that tells us that the only acceptable feelings are positive ones. Most of us have learned from a young age that the point of life is to be happy all the time and if we’re not there is something wrong with us. The problem is that were also taught simultaneously that other people are responsible for how we feel. Most people believe that you feel good or bad, happy or sad depending on the mood of your spouse or the way your partner talks to you. One of the most powerful gifts I give my clients is to teach them how disempowering that is and how to change it. The first thing you must understand is that someone else's words and actions don't create your feelings. It's your thoughts about those words or actions that create your feelings. If you don't believe me try this quick experiment:

If you are following the podcast on Facebook then you may have caught this, but someone recently asked me:  "What happens on one of these 'Life Coaching' consultations you are always talking about?" I told them:  "It's kind of like a first date...except that the person you are going out with is future YOU."

  I heard this great question the other day and thought of all the work we are doing here. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in all the things we think of our partner, what they do that we like and what they do that we don't. And we forget one very important question: Do you like the way YOU are acting in your relationship? I had a relationship years ago where by day, I was a relaxed, cheerful yoga teacher. And when I was hanging out with my boyfriend...I felt constantly annoyed, snippy and wanted to crawl out of my skin.  I reacted in childish, dramatic ways to things he said. I complained about him all the time in my head. I found a million things that he did that I hated. And when we broke up, I told everyone it was because he was an annoying jerk. But the truth is, he was the way he was.  He actually didn't change much in the course of the relationship.  What changed were my thoughts about him and about me.