179. Decisions that Rock the Boat

Posted by Erin Aquin on Oct 13, 2021 12:24:14 PM

Most people innately go through life avoiding conflict and uncomfortable situations.

Even as you plan the next step in your life or business, it's likely you are doing it through a very narrow tunnel of possibility.

It's not your fault.

Most of us weren't taught to be open to huge transformations as a protective measure from failure and judgement.

But here is the problem.

If you don't rock the boat from time to time, you aren't asking yourself or anyone around you to step up into the next level of what is possible.

When you stop telling yourself that you can't have what you want and instead make decisions that rock the boat, a certain magic becomes available and in this episode you will discover how to:

  • Find more exciting possibilities for yourself
  • Make decisions that support your future instead of ones that please everyone around you
  • Embrace the growth that comes from rocking the boat

Don’t miss this special gift from Erin and after you enjoy it, tell Erin what you created in your relationship and life on Instagram.

Read the full show transcript here.

Subscribe and listen on Apple Podcasts here

Episode Transcript

Erin Aquin:

Welcome to the Love and Success podcast. You are listening to Episode 179, Decisions that rock the boat.

Hello there lovers. My name is Erin Aquin.

And I missed you last week.

But I hope that you took some time for yourself to watch my masterclass on how to get what you want. And if you have not yet done that, I think that I have a new perspective on why you absolutely should.

So we'll get into that, because today's episode is all about decisions that rock the boat.

And I have worked with enough people in relationships and enough entrepreneurs specifically in relationships, who make a lot of their life decisions in favor of not rocking the boat, like entrepreneurs who are at the six figure level who really want to grow who have their next idea, but they don't think their partner's going to be on board with them potentially working more hours or growing the business and scaling to maybe start hiring employees. 

And I work with a lot of my one on one clients and clients in my group and my mastermind on this. Because when we start to make decisions that actually do rock the boat, where we start to get intentional about shaking things up, that really is when the magic happens. And so I want to help today. Maybe dissolve some of the fear, some of the concerns, some of the worry that you may be experiencing, if you tend to not actually go after what it is you want out of fear of rocking the boat.

 

And I will use a personal example. The reason that I did not have an episode last week was I was on a part vacation and part work retreat with five of my coach friends. We flew from all over the world and various locations where we all live to the Amalfi Coast, in Italy. And we spent days together, eating amazing food, wandering around the towns along this beautiful place on earth, and coaching each other and working on our businesses and working on our next idea. Our next big thing, the next place, the next evolution. 

And what I always find so fascinating is as a woman, when I tell people that I'm going away, people always assume that I am taking my children and my husband with me, which I don't have a great track record for that we do a family trip, usually once a year, we haven't done it for the last few years because of the pandemic. And I'm not super comfortable with traveling with my kids until they can be vaccinated until things kind of calmed down a little bit. So this was a solo trip. And it was a huge uplevel for me, my friends found a $10 million Villa for us to stay in and it was just insanely beautiful. We had a housekeeper who looked after all of the details of our trip. 

And you know, I have eaten more pastry and gelato in the last week than probably my entire life collectively. So it was this beautiful experience. It was actually deeply relaxing. But that relaxation made space for the deeper work that we did. Each one of us got coached on our biggest obstacle. We kind of got tagged as a team coached by the group. We did some really deep soul work and it felt very healing. I think that I'll probably speak for everyone on that trip. You know, maybe we'll do a podcast altogether at some point. But the experience was just insanely beautiful. But it was not without some boat rocking. Traveling during the pandemic brought up a lot of anxiety for me.

Leaving my kids for the first time in two years definitely brought up a lot of things I got coached on. My coaches were kept very busy and gainfully employed in the last little while but I think that the

The things that rocking the boat in this case, rocking the boat to travel, do a work retreat, be on the other side of the world, take a break, I haven't actually had a week away from my clients and my business in quite a long time. So this was soul food. It was not easy. But it was beautiful. And it took some serious boat rocking, which is why we are talking about this today. 

I want to help you figure out where maybe it's time for you to rock the boat in your life. Because the way that we often think about what our next step is for our career, for our lifestyle, we often have that view as something very narrow. Most human beings are not taught to be open to big leaps to huge transformation. You know, we talk about growing businesses as little as a percentage at a time. And sometimes we think that our decisions are to like, do something or not do it, we are really limited in the way that we make decisions. And rocking the boat is really sort of my way of thinking about considering a more expansive exploration, trying to find 30 options instead of two. 

Trying to see what life could be like, in one year, two year, five years, 10 years rather than thinking, you know, what's possible for me to create next month. So I really love that our brains do their job to keep us safe. And often what happens is, when we're looking for safety, we project our fears onto other people. The way I see this in partnerships and relationships specifically is so many of us use our partners as an excuse to keep ourselves limited. I actually used this example in the masterclass. 

And if you are interested and have not downloaded that free class yet, it is over to revitalizeyourrelationship.com/loveclass, or you can find it in the show notes. But I talked about making the decision to go on this trip to go on this retreat, this working retreat. And all of the ways in which my brain assumed that maybe my husband wouldn't be into it, he might not be okay with it. And how I had to do my own work around what could come up. And this is such an amazing thing to do. 

Because normally our human brains in order to keep us safe and protected. We don't even ask, we don't even consider that our partners are gonna have anything but the most negative reaction. So being able to do the work and then ask for support in a clean way is truly essential to you. Being able to stop using your partner as an excuse to not go after your dreams, I see way too many people doing it. They make an assumption about what their partner might say, and shut themselves down before they even entertain the possibility. This is something I've worked on with myself. For many years. It's part of why I wrote a book on relationships, it's why I do relationship work. Because if you are shutting yourself down, you're gonna have a lot of assumptions, not only about what's possible for you, but it creates a really shitty dynamic with your partner. 

If you're letting your brain shut you down before you even have a conversation, how are you going to build trust and intimacy for the long term? So that is why I actually think rocking the boat is a connection point to not only to yourself, of course, but to other people as well. So that was part of what this was like really figuring out “Can I travel in this way that feels safe for me in a way that's supportive to my family?” It doesn't leave them kind of scrambling for anything, and actually do the thing that's going to open me up to what's next in my business and my life. And you know what, after this experience, it's just such a deep confirmation that the ripple effect of this moment is going to be felt for years to come. My clients are going to benefit from me taking this leap and going to this place and asking for what I wanted and giving myself what I wanted. So that is what we're doing today.

And I think something that's really helpful as you may start to roll this around in your mind a little bit is to think about what is possible. On the other hand, If you're going to get in a boat, you're going to rock it, you're going to roll over those waves that will inevitably be between you and your next evolution, your next goal, your next level, what is the point of that, too many of us I think, are not clear on what could be possible on the other side. 

So stop telling yourself, you can't have what you really want, simply because maybe up until today, maybe up until hearing my voice right now, you've just assumed you can't have it, you've made assumptions based on the expectations of the people around you, of what you've always been taught. If we just let that go for a moment, I want you to dream with me right now about what could be possible. That's maybe just a little bit outside of your current capacity to imagine, this was something that we reflected on a lot over the week, my my coach group, was that five years ago, if you had told me that I would be sitting in a room in a $10 million Villa, overlooking the sea, in Italy, with a very wonderful supportive partner at home, spending time with our kids, making sure they have what they need, so that I could come and have what I need. I don't think I could have imagined it.

I don't think I could have imagined that I would be a master coach, doing the work of a lifetime. Helping people realize the life that the universe is dreaming for them, which by the way is so far beyond what most of us are dreaming for ourselves right now. And I'm tearing up as I'm talking right now, because this is so profound. And I think I know a lot of you who listen are also life coaches, I think it's really hard to give this essence of possibility to other people if you're not actively taking care of this within yourself. 

So this retreat was also kind of a point of integrity for me to be able to say, Yeah, I am someone who will step outside of the norm, who will change my mental, emotional, spiritual and physical environment periodically. And take a look at my life, stepping outside of it, stepping outside of my day to day life, to look inwards and see, is this what I want? Is this the path I want to be on and be willing to question things. I know so many people are so scared that if they step outside, they're going to look at the snow globe of their life and not like what they see. And if you have that, that feeling right now. And you're avoiding making a decision that might rock the boat. Because you might not like what you see your life to be right now.

I think it's even more essential, I think you must do it, you must be willing to put your future and your vision and your mission in the world. First, put it first, even for a day, even for a week.

What would it be like? To be rocking the boat. We have to stop relating to that, like it's a dangerous statement.

We have to stop thinking about looking at our life as a dangerous thing, taking a good hard look. I actually think we need to start relating to shaking things up as essential, it's essential to step out of your current, step out of the flow, step out of the stream, however you think about it, and immerse yourself in a totally different space where maybe you're not seen as having these limitations. 

That's something that was so powerful about being with these women, these coaches is, you know, I always say like good coaching is when your coach doesn't believe your story about your limitations. But great coaching is when they see a possibility for you, that is so far outside of your current capacity to believe. And having five powerful successful women believe in me so hard and being able to do the same for them not in a not in a fake way at all, but just very authentically.

To look and see my friends who are growing businesses in six figures to seven, and just know that they're going to be at eight and nine, much sooner than they believe, and be able to hold that and coach them from what I see is possible for them. It is pure magic and changes everything. And it was just such an honor to do it. So rocking the boat is not something to be scared of.

It is essential to your future, especially if you are a visionary creating a business. And it's essential if you actually want to live a life that's aligned with your vision. So if I want to be a person who gets to support other people and realize the life that the universe is dreaming for them, I can't be hiding out.

I can't just be doing the day to day I have to open up. And for those of us who are willing to dip our toes in the infinite water of possibility. Rocking the Boat just comes with the territory, you have to make decisions that maybe other people aren't going to like, they're not going to understand. They're not going to support you have to risk that maybe someone will be upset with you, maybe it'll be your partner, maybe your kids won't like my kids did not like it, that I went away.

But I can't, in good conscience, live my life, only worrying about what makes my children happy. Because then that wouldn't be good for them, it wouldn't be good for me, it wouldn't be showing them how to live from their priorities. And for you, it might be trying a new experiment in your business that's been climbing at you for years and years. But you know, someone told you, whatever weird business rule about not trying one thing until you've made the last thing go like whatever the rules that someone taught us are, those rules support them.

They aren't necessarily right for you. And until you are willing to start to rock the boat a little bit. Ask for what you want. Use your time, your energies and your resources towards the things that support you the most, you will never fully see how powerful you are. You will never really feel your own magic.

So I hope that this has inspired you to see maybe where you've been avoiding rocking the boat thinking you're just doing it to like, keep the peace and keep everybody happy and all of the things. Maybe it's time you started asking for what it is you want, going after your dreams in a different way. And my masterclass really will support you to do that. It's totally free, which is nice. You're welcome.

You can head over to revitalizeyourrelationship.com/loveclass. This class will help you start to think about the priorities that are essential to your growth and essential to your next level. And start to gather the support you need, whether it is from your partner, people in your business colleagues, or whether it's just support you need to give yourself sometimes our best cheerleader, the person we need. Yelling the loudest is ourselves. So I hope that this has been helpful to you. I would love to hear what you do. 

You can find me on Instagram at instagram.com/erinaquin or send us an email Hello@revitalizeyourrelationship.com go rock the boat as a love letter to your Oracle to your future self, the part of you that's calling you forward. I promise. Life from this place is magic. It's so beautiful. I am so grateful to have taken the risks that I took to have rocked the boat to have fallen flat on my face many many times. grateful for all of it, and I know you will be alright. 

Have a wonderful week and I'll talk to you soon. Take care.

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